Facebook (General Overview)

Facebook is a social networking website launched in 2004 which has made everything worse. The site is mainly used by social lepers to create the illusion that they have lives. Though nothing has been proved, Facebook is almost certainly the main cause of suicides in the western world and should probably be taken down except that people don't want to lose all their little pictures and things so it stays up.

Facebook is free to sign up to but users 'banner ads' to generate revenue. Banner ads attack the subconsious with flashing mindfuck beams which persuade you to start masturbating.

Mark Zuckerburg founded Facebook while he was a student at Harvard University. Mark had just broken up with his girlfriend and was feeling bitter so he came up with the idea of Facebook so that everyone else's relationship would fail too after they saw a comment on some other bloke's wall saying that Michelle had slept with Tony.

The main aim of Facebook is to make the user feel bad about themselves. Frequent users report feelings of social anxiety, inferiority, depression, 'wall' and 'news feed' addiction and wanting to kill.

Membership of Facebook was initially restricted to those attending Harvard College somewhere in America. Harvard was and is attended mainly by arseholes and it is this fact that leads many to suppose that Facebook was originally intended as a kind of government sponsored e-culling machine developed to sift and and destroy privileged fucks. However by 2005 someone had pointed out that the whole world was filled with arseholes and when it came down to it, it would be better if everyone was attacked and so Facebook's meteoric rise to global domination was assured.

Facebook works like a kind of 'virtual allotment' in that a user's page needs constant upkeep and attention else evil weeds of doubt and regret begin to sprout from the acid soil and strangle your heart.

Photographs -

When people first started putting their photographs on facebook, they only chose the very best ones. This lead to other users leaving highly complementary comments under each other's photographs which made everyone feel really good about themselves. Facebook immediately sought to address this problem by introducing a 'tagging system' whereby anyone could just tag any picture of you they wanted which meant people could see you as you really were - a lying deformed troll.

Facebook headquarters are based in California. Arnold Schwarzenegger is the Governor of California.

Facebook users can create personal profiles which list "things they like" and sometimes describe "what they think" about things. Users can also join 'groups' with a view to forming lynch mobs to burn down paediatrician's houses. Facebook is also often used to get gang's of kids together so they can go round some kid's house while his parents are away and just smash the place up and shit everywhere.

One way Facebook users communicate is by 'poking' each other using the virtual 'poke' facility which sounds funny at first but becomes less amusing each time you hear it.

Facebook users have an update-able 'status' which they can "update and that". It's kind of like having everyone you've ever met surrounding you all at once, dancing around with gritted teeth and sticks, whispering incessantly into your ears until they bleed, constantly narrating every minute facet of their meaningless little lives as you crumble to the ground and realise that this will NEVER EVER STOP.

Other fun features of Facebook are that people can break into it and steal all your bank details. Old people probably shouldn't use it because they don't understand anything and are like children.